Give Me Something To Believe In
by Alexz Recoro
Summary: After Grundy’s death and funeral, Hawkgirl realizes she needs SOMETHING to believe in. But can someone who has never believed in anything believe in love? HGL
1. Chapter One

Title: Give Me Something To Believe In  
  
Author: Alexz Recoro  
  
Summary: After Bundy's death and funeral, Hawkgirl realizes she needs SOMETHING to believe in. But can someone who has never believed in anything believe in love? H/GL  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Justice League  
  
'It's called faith Hawkgirl. Your not supposed to understand it.' Aquaman's voice kept echoing in Shayera's head. She was sitting inside the Javelin 5, curled up in a seat as she, Diana and Superman headed back to the Watchtower. Both Superman and Diana had tried to talk to her but one glare from her had sent them both scurrying back up to the cockpit, while she sat curled up in the last seat in the back, her knees up to her chest, her wings wrapped around her tightly.   
  
She shifted slightly in the seat. This wasn't her seat. Her seat, like everyone's else, was molded perfectly to her shape. Shayera looked around. She wasn't paying attention before when she had chosen this seat, she was just looking for a place to be away from the two up front for a while, and this seat had seemed to calm her down and make her feel safe. Quickly, Shayera closed her eyes and called up a picture in her head of the Javelin 5 with all of the team in it. This seat was. . .   
  
"John." Shayera whispered, her eyes flying open. This was John's usual seat, if he wasn't flying, or navigating in the cockpit with her, or flying outside the Javelin in his green bubble. But why would his seat make her feel safe and calm. John and she hated each other. . . didn't they? There was that time when they went back in time to re-fight World War II when they had been reunited after she thought she had lost him forever. And that time she had almost kissed him, right before she smacked his ass, when they were helping Katma.   
  
Shayera's cheeks burned at the memories, and she buried her face in her knees, letting her wings cover up her head as well. Her wings pressed in on all sides, warm, soft and familiar. Every since Shayera has been born, she had liked to wrap her wings around herself when she was scared or confused. But lately, all she had to do when she was scared or confused was find John and sit with him for a while. They didn't even have to talk. Most of the time they didn't. As a rule, they just sat together on one of the couches scattered around the Watchtower and read. Just being around him calmed Shayera right down. Even sitting in his chair right now had was making Shayera feel immensely better. When had THAT happened?! Shayera didn't know.   
  
The winged Thanagarion detective sighed and looked out the window at the stars. She jumped a foot in the air when there was a slight jolt as they docked at the Watchtower. She hadn't even noticed that they were home. Now what? How was she going to avoid Diana and Superman? She cared about those two, she really did, but they just didn't understand her or how her brain worked. When something was wrong, they wanted to talk to someone about it. Shayera didn't want to talk to anyone. She didn't like to talk about her problems. John was the same way. Which probably explained why they had become each others confidantes. Superman and Diana would want to her to talk about her lack of belief. But she didn't want to talk to them.   
  
The moment Javelin 5's doors opened, Shayera flexed her wings and shot through the door on a slight breeze, her wings tucked tight against her back to cut down on wind resistance. As soon as she was out of the airlock and into the main body of the Watchtower, she fluffed out her wings and landed on her feet, leaving a very surprised Diana and Superman behind her in the Javelin. Shayera threw them a wave over her shoulder, then set out to find John.   
  
"Hey Flash?" She asked the red clad young man sitting in front of the Watchtowers giant TV, watching some movie.   
  
"Yeah?" He asked, looking up at her with his trademark grin. "What can I do for ya beautiful?" His grin grew bigger, as it always did when speaking to one of the Justice League's female members. Shayera ignored the urge to smack him into next year.   
  
"Have you seen Jo. . uh. . . Green Lantern? I need to talk to him."  
  
"Uh oh, what he'd do to piss you off now?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The only time you two talk is to yell and argue with each other."   
  
"Look, do you know where he is or not?" Shayera was not known for her patience, and she was quickly reaching her limit.   
  
"Nope, sorry." Flash said, going back to his movie. Shayera rolled her eyes and left the room. Then she poked her head back into the room.   
  
"Oh, and Flash?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You ever address me as 'beautiful' again, I will throw you out of the airlock without a suit. Understand?" She threatened. The look in her eyes and the tone of her voice was enough to make Flash glup and start to sweat as he nodded furiously. He knew that even he, the fastest man alive, didn't have a very long life span if Hawkgirl was pissed at him. He didn't know how the Green Lantern had survived as long as he did. He had Hawkgirl pissed off at him on a daily basis, yet Flash couldn't remember her ever threatening to throw the Green Lantern out of the air lock. But then GL had his ring, so being thrown out of the air lock wouldn't be that much of a problem for him.   
  
"Good," Shayera left the room again. Flash relaxed after his brush with certain death, then jumped about a foot in the air when Shayera appeared again.   
  
"Flash."  
  
"What!?"  
  
"Jumpy, aren't we? Listen, if you see Jo. . um. . . Green Lantern, will you tell him I'm looking for him?"  
  
"Yeah."   
  
  
  
Shayera nodded her thanks, and then she was gone. She wondered through various parts of the Watchtower, dodging Superman and Diana, even diving into Batman's work shop when she heard Diana's boots approaching.   
  
"Uh hum." A voice said. Shayera looked guiltily up at Batman.   
  
"Hi." She said.  
  
"Hi." He said back. "Hawkgirl, would you like to tell me exactly why you are in my work shop?"  
  
"Avoiding Superman and Diana." Shayera said bluntly. Batman looked slightly surprised at her straightforwardness, but then he hadn't worked very closely with her, even through they were both detectives. He didn't know that that's how Shayera was: blunt.   
  
  
  
"May I ask why you are avoiding our resident leader and goddess?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Does it have anything with what you just came back from doing?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Is that all I'm going to get?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Hmm."   
  
Batman turned from her and back to something on his work table. Shayera looked at his back. Batman felt her gaze and turned to look at her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Have you seen John, um I mean, the Green Lantern?" Shayera asked, hoping the shadow she was standing in would hide her blush. Batman's eyebrows had shot up at the use of John's name, especially from Hawkgirl's lips, but his cowl hid his surprise, just like it hid all his other emotions. He also decided not to comment on it.   
  
"No, I haven't. I've been working."  
  
"Okay." Hawkgirl turned and cautiously looked up and down the hallway. Then she cocked her head and listened. No Superman or Diana that she could see or hear, so Shayera stepped back out into the hallway and continued on her way, leaving Batman to his work.   
  
Batman turned back to his work, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. So, Hawkgirl was looking for the Green Lantern, while avoiding Superman and Diana. That was interesting. Batman figured that something had happened on their latest case that had really upset Hawkgirl, enough so that even Superman and Diana had seen it, and now they were looking for her to talk about it, and Hawkgirl was doing everything in her power to avoid them, while looking for the Green Lantern. The Dark Knight wasn't blind, and he wasn't deaf. He knew, from conversations with J'Onn, what he had seen on the Watchtowers surveillance tapes, and from what he had seen and heard with his own eyes and ears that Hawkgirl and Green Lantern were getting closer and closer. And now she wanted to talk to him about something that was bothering her. Interesting.  
  
Shayera continued to wonder around the Watchtower, finally deciding to hide out in her room. If she locked the door, and kept quiet with the light off, Superman and Diana would probably think she wasn't in there. Or they would get the hint and leave her alone. Shayera could only hope. In her darkened room, she silently took of her mask and her costume. Then she rummaged through her drawers for some pajamas. Might as well catch a nap while waiting for John to get back to the Watchtower, or come out of hiding, which ever he was doing. It was one of them, since she had searched the Watchtower from top to bottom and there was no sign of him.   
  
Shayera pulled out a pair of plaid pajama pants, then her hand touched the material of a tee shirt. Shayera pulled it out to examine it. It was an large man's tee shirt, with most of the back cut out for her wings. It was Johns. Shayera smiled as she remembered why she had it in her pajama drawer. . .   
  
"FLASH! I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU!" Shayera's angry voice echoed through the entire Watchtower. Flash and the Green Lantern were watching TV, but when Flash heard Shayera's explosion, he took off. John guessed that they wouldn't be seeing Flash for a few days, Just as he settled down to continue watching TV, Shayera stomped into the room. She was still in her costume, but her mask was off. John didn't even have a change to notice how beautiful she looked with her red hair slightly tousled and her green eyes blazing before she turned to him.  
  
"John," she asked, her voice low and dangerous, "have you seen that moron Flash anywhere?"  
  
"He took off when you yelled." John answered, looking away from the TV to answer her. "What did he do now? Can I help? If I don't, he'll be sleeping on the couch in my apartment because he'll be afraid you'll kill him in his sleep."  
  
" I AM going to kill him in his sleep!" Shayera yelled. "Tell me John, do you happen to know who's turn it is to do laundry this week?"  
  
A few months ago, the Justice League had agreed that since most of their members spent a majority of their time at the Watchtower, living, eating and sleeping, that they would all take turns doing various household tasks: dusting, dishes, cleaning, mopping and laundry. John knew for a fact that it was Flash's week to do laundry, because as soon as he had found out, John had packed up all of his laundry and taken it back to earth to wash it himself. The inconvenience of the trip had outweighed the risks of putting his laundry in Flash's hands. Unfortunately, Shayera had no such option.  
  
"It's Flash's." John said, guessing where this was leading.   
  
"Right! Look at this!" Shayera thrust what looked like a piece of a mangled fabric in his face, and John realized with a sinking feeling in his stomach that it 'used' to be a nightgown. Shayera's nightgown. John looked from the ruined nightgown to Shayera's face, and saw that the anger had gone out of her eyes. Instead, she looked like she was about to start crying.   
  
"This was my favorite nightgown." Shayera whispered. "It was a gift from my father."  
  
"And Flash ruined it." John finished quietly. Shayera nodded and turned to leave the room.   
  
"Shayera, wait." John said, springing from his seat and grabbing her elbow. "Come on. I probably have something you can borrow until you can buy a new nightgown. I know it won't replace the sentimental value of the one Flash ruined, but you can think of this as a gift from me. Okay?"   
  
"Okay." Shayera agreed, giving John a small smile. They walked to his Watchtower bedroom together.   
  
John's bedroom at the Watchtower had a more lived in feeling than his bedroom in his apartment on Earth. Well that only made sense. Since he joined the Justice League, he had spent more time here than in his apartment. John lead Shayera into his room and over to his dresser. Opening his tee shirt drawer, he pulled out a light gray tee shirt and handed it to Shayera.   
  
Shayera unfolded the tee shirt and held it out to look at it. Just looking at it, it was obvious that while it was probably snug across John's muscular chest and arms, it would drown her slight frame. It was a light gray tee shirt that said 'U.S. Marine Corps' across it in black. Underneath that, in smaller, dark green letters were the words 'First on the beach. Last to retreat. Leave no man behind.'   
  
"John, this is really nice of you, but I can't take this shirt." Shayera protested. "I mean what about my wings?"  
  
"So cut out the back for your wings. It's no big deal Shayera." John said with shrug.   
  
"No John, I couldn't ruin your Marines shirt."  
  
"Shayera, it's no big deal. I have a ton of shirts just like it. Really, take it."   
  
"If your sure. . ."  
  
"I'm sure." John told her with a smile. Shayera smiled back at him, and took the shirt back to her room. John watched her go with a smile, then went to go drag Flash out of hiding and make him apologize to Shayera for ruining her nightgown. . .  
  
Shayera smiled at the memory and slipped the shirt over her head, letting her wings fluff out through the hole in the back as it feel down to about mid-thigh. She had bought a few new pairs of pajama's, but John's Marine tee shirt was still her favorite. But she was always careful that no one but John ever saw her in it, in case they got the wrong idea.   
  
Shayera crawled into bed, and hoped that she would get to talk to John soon. She was just going to take a short nap, then she would keep looking for him. . .   
  
John's face was the last thing she saw as she fell asleep. 


	2. Chapter Two

AN: IS IT TRUE?! Did John and Shayera ACTUALLY KISS on Saturdays episode of Justice League? I was babysitting with a friend of mine, and I MISSED IT! The event I've been waiting for for two years and I MISSED IT! ARGHHHHHHHH!  
  
John floated into the Watchtower's airlock, and from there into the main area before letting down his protective green bubble. He stretched and yawned. He hated flying halfway across the galaxy and back in one night, but there had been a Green Lantern call, and he had to answer it. And he didn't want to spend one minute longer than he had to in the Grikan Galaxy. He headed towards his room, passing by the room where Flash happened to be watching TV.   
  
  
  
"Hey, GL! Is that you?" Flash called.   
  
"Yeah." John stopped and leaned against the door jamb wearily. "What?"  
  
"Hawkgirl was looking for you a few hours ago. Said she wanted to talk to you. Looked kind of upset. What did you do?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"The only time you and Hawkgirl talk, hell, every time you get in the same room, you start yelling and arguing with each other. So I just assumed. . ."  
  
"Don't." John said. "Where's Shay, err, Hawkgirl now?"  
  
"No clue. Haven't seen or heard her since she was looking for you."  
  
"Hmm. Thanks."   
  
John continued deeper into the Watchtower. Shayera was looking for him? She was upset and wanted to talk? What was wrong? He was so deep in thought that he walked right into Batman's back, sending them both reeling, but neither of them fell.   
  
"Sorry." John said with a yawn.   
  
"It's all right." Batman said. "You should know, Hawkgirl's looking for you."  
  
"So Flash told me. How do you know?"  
  
"She dived into my work shop to avoid Superman and Diana, then asked me if I'd seen you. I told her no, and she left. I haven't seen her since."  
  
"She's avoiding Superman and Diana?" John asked, confused. Shayera wasn't the type to avoid anyone. "Why?"  
  
"That's right, you weren't here. Where were you anyway?"  
  
"Grikan Galaxy."  
  
"Nasty place."  
  
"I know. Now, what happened?"  
  
"I don't know any details. I just know that Superman, Diana, and Hawkgirl went out on a case, and something happened that really upset Hawkgirl. According to something I overheard from Superman, Hawkgirl even cried. Apparently, Superman and Diana wanted to talk to Hawkgirl, but Hawkgirl only wanted to talk to you, so she was avoiding them, and looking for you."  
  
"Oh, okay. Thanks." John left Batman, really worried now. Shayera had cried? He headed towards the wing where his and Shayera's bedrooms were, separate from the rest of the team. John smiled at that. It seemed Shayera and he were both loners. He walked past his bedroom, giving it a longing glance, then shaking his head. Shayera was upset and wanted to talk to him. That was more important then him sleeping.   
  
He walked up to Shayera's door and knocked firmly. There was no answer, and when he tried the door, he found it was locked. But John knew Shayera was in there. After looking around (and feeling silly once he did, he and Shayera were the only ones in this wing) John used his ring to unlock the door, then slid it open. The room was dark, but a shaft of light from the open door fell upon the bed, and revealed Shayera's sleeping form, her back to him.   
  
Despite his tiredness, John had to smile when he saw Shayera sleeping peacefully. He was about to turn and go when he saw her stir and open her eyes.   
  
"John?" She whispered.   
  
"Yeah." He said, coming in and closing the door. Shayera sat up and reached over to turn on her bedside lamp, as John came over and sat down on her bed.   
  
"Flash, and Batman, said that you were looking for me. What's up?"  
  
"How'd you know I was in here?" Shayera asked him.  
  
"Well, it is pretty late."  
  
"Really? What time is it?"   
  
"It's about two thirty Shayera."  
  
"Really? Jeez, I went out like a light." Shayera said with a yawn, sitting up more in her bed as she did, revealing her choice of nightshirt. John smirked.  
  
"What?" She asked, noticing his smile.   
  
"Your wearing my shirt. You kept it?"   
  
"Of course I did John. . . I mean, it's very comfortable."   
  
"I'm sure it is. It looks good on you."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Your welcome. Now, what did you want to talk to me about? Batman said you were avoiding Diana and Superman, and Flash thought you looked upset. What's wrong Shayera?"  
  
Shayera looked away from him, and quietly told him about everything that had happened. When she got to the part about Grundy's death, and his question to her about his soul, Shayera started crying again. John moved so that he was sitting next to her on the bed and put an arm around her, letting her cry on his shoulder.   
  
"I never believed in anything." Shayera said. "I never had a reason to believe. But now, I have every reason to believe in something, and yet. . . I still don't."   
  
John wrapped both arms around her and pulled her into his lap, wings and all.   
  
"Oh Shy. I wish there was something I could do for you." He whispered into her shoulder. Shayera looked up at him, then she whimpered and tore herself out of his arms. John knew that look in Shayera's eyes and dived for her. But Shayera had already panicked, and she scrambled off her bed, making for the door.   
  
John chased Shayera into the hallway. John knew that Shayera was scared, scared of getting to close, of getting hurt, but he wasn't going to let her run away from him again. He drew closer and closer, finally diving and wrapping his arm around her, making sure he cradled her head as he slammed her into the hallway wall, only hard enough to surprise her, not hurt or scare her.   
  
Shayera stared up at him her bright green eyes wide and scared. John leaned down, feeling himself being pulled in, and unable to resist. He stopped when they were nose to nose, their noses actually touching. Their lips were centimeters apart, and they could feel each others breath on their lips.  
  
Shayera's heart was pounding and she was having trouble breathing. John and she were literally nose to nose. His arms were still around her, holding her tight against his chest, yet he was also using his body weight to keep her pinned to the wall. John's breath was warm on her cool lips, and she felt like she would drown in his dark eyes.   
  
"Shayera. Don't run from me. Please." John finally whispered, pulling back and letting her go slowly. They stood facing each other, eyes wide, breathing erratic. This time, it was Shayera who made the first move. She reached up and stroked his cheek. Her hand was slightly cold as her fingers traced his cheekbone, down his jaw line to his chin, and then his lips.   
  
His skin was warm and smooth under her fingertips. As her fingers traced his lips, his eyes slid almost closed, and he kissed her fingertips softly. Shayera jumped in surprise, and her finger left his lips briefly. But she quickly put her fingers back. John's hand came up to cup her cheek, then he began to trace the contours of her face with his fingertips, copying what she had done only moments before, and when he reached her lips, she mimicked what he had done, kissing his fingertips.   
  
She moved her hand over his face, and he mirrored her actions, both of them trying to memorize the shape and feel of the others face. Shayera's hand slid down to the side of John's neck and he followed the motion with his own hand. His other hand came up and his fingers laced behind her neck. Shayera followed his move, her thumb stroking the smooth skin behind his ears, making shivers run down John's spine.   
  
He moved closer and she moved to meet him. At first it was just a light touch, just the barest brushing of lips. John pulled back and stared at her. Shayera reached for him and pulled him to her, kissing him deeply. John cupped the back of her head and deepened the kiss, his other arm wrapping tightly around her waist.   
  
Shayera finally pulled back to breath and smiled up at him. Then she frowned and buried her face in his chest.   
  
"I can't even believe in this John."  
  
"I'll help you believe in it." John promised. Shayera pulled back and smiled up at him, her cheek wet with tears. John reached up and wiped her tears away. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to her again. The kiss was gentle at first, then slowly more demanding and passionate. Shayera pulled back and rested her forehead against him.  
  
"Give me something to believe in, John." She whispered.   
  
"I will." John promised. "I'll help you believe in love." 


End file.
